#Clout is an interview series exploring the love lives of social media influencers. 

 

Rembrandt Duran is the sort of urban queer legend only New York City could breed; more a product of who he does than what he does. Mention of his name can occasionally elicit eye rolls, but such reactions only support his claim to fame: everyone knows someone who’s fucked the 27-year-old.

Years of Grindr groundwork paid off in 2017 when Vice dubbed him the premier queer matchmaker, revealing that he kept a detailed sexual rap sheet of the 550 men he’s “networked” with. While having your number nationally publicized is many people’s worst nightmare, Duran fully embraces his hyper-sexualized persona. In fact, he’s built an online brand around it. Over 13,000 eager subs, jealous doms, and hetero voyeurs flock to Twitter for New York’s most famous top’s hot takes—common threads include premature ejaculation, shitdick, and his “extra medium” sized member. A recent highlight read, “I’ll never get over gays picking dudes with nice muscles over dudes with nice dicks. Those pecs can’t hit your prostate.”

Fan or not, it’s hard not to appreciate Remy’s commitment to being uncouth. And between the shock factor and humor, he’ll slip in a tweet or two about getting tested. We stan a woke sex god.

It seems his haters live only online. After a little investigating—you don’t have to barhop far to find conquests of Remy’s—sources suggest the key to Duran’s appeal is really just an old school combo of looks, charm, and kindness. Nothing seedy here, folks.

 

 

You’re a well-known personality in the NYC queer scene. Eileen [Kelly] has called you a Grindr sex god, and Vice kind of said the same thing. Is it difficult to have this reputation? 

Remy: I love it. It’s definitely good and bad. Mostly good because I like to be an outspoken person about that sort of thing. There’s been very few negatives, [only] it takes some people a little longer to trust that I’m not looking for just sex. But it’s never really impaired my dating. You can be a very sexual person and still be capable of intimacy and love and all of that kind of stuff. 

 

How do you sexually identify?

I sexually identify as gay and also bisexual. 

 

What do you mean by ‘also bisexual?’

I’m mostly homoromantic but bisexual.

 

Do you still hook up with women? 

I don’t actively search for women. I’m definitely more gay recently. I’m not made to feel uncomfortable in straight places, so I ask myself if I had a girlfriend, how would that even work? I see myself dating men and having sex with women. 

 

Did discovering you had a sexual interest in men coincide with your sexual awakening, or were you sleeping with women beforehand?

I was definitely sleeping with women beforehand. And nothing came of it until guys started hitting on me, and I was like, Oh, cool this is something else that’s possible. But I never saw myself romantically attracted to men until I actively chose to try. The first couple of times I went on dates with men, I really wasn’t comfortable with it. I actively chose to really pursue [dating men] and really make this something that I like and I did. I didn’t give up on it. 

 

Now here you are, a Grindr sex god. Could you talk a little bit about what it was like to come to terms with your bisexuality in a culture that tends to invalidate that identity? 

As I’m getting older it’s kind of harder to really identify with the label “bisexual.” I’m not afraid to call myself gay, even though I actively have sex with women. I live a gay life. I’m immersed in gayness, and I would feel uncomfortable being in a heterosexual relationship. So, I need to re-evaluate what bisexuality means to me, and if it’s important to label myself as that. What is bisexual life? What is bisexual culture? Does that even exist? 

 

Have you received any pushback for identifying as bisexual from your friends or family?

Not furiously. My friends make little jokes here and there, but just for joking’s sake. 

 

Do you prefer dating apps or meeting people in real life?

I definitely was the king of dating apps for a while, like if there was a high score on Grindr to be had, I would be like top three. And it was like that for a few years, but recently I deleted all of my dating apps. I’ve just been meeting people in person and going on my waiting list of people who I owe dick to. I’m in like dick debt, I owe a few people.

 

Why did you decide to delete the apps?

It had to do with a breakup. When we first broke up I was like, I can do whatever I want. But as things got more serious in the breakup, I was not interested in just sex anymore. I want to meet people the old-fashioned way and have more intimate sexual encounters instead of just sending a dick pic, the ‘pound me out and then leave’ [sort of thing]. Which usually is what my experiences with Grindr are. I never used to masturbate, so now I just masturbate.

 

So before now, you would just always rely on IRL encounters to relieve yourself?

Yeah, it was like every time I masturbated I regretted it. It was just over too quickly and a waste of a nut when I could have actually had sex with someone and could have been more satisfied. And now it’s just switched because now I’m like,  Whew, glad that’s over. I can go back to not wanting to have sex.

 

Was sex something that normally distracted you in the past?

When I first came out it was definitely a distraction.

 

 

Have you ever sent a DM to someone trying to hook up with them? 

Not like overtly. The context is key. I’m not just gonna be like, “What’s up, send dick pics,” to a stranger on Instagram. I’m gonna be like, “Yo what’s up, you’re mad cute.” That’s more my approach. 

 

Has anyone sent you a DM? 

All the time! I understand [that I] put out this persona of this person who has sex all the time. But again, context is key. Just because I have an open-door policy doesn’t mean you can just walk in, I still have agency over my own sexuality, my own body. It doesn’t mean I want dick pics all the time or ass pics. 

 

You get a lot of unsolicited nudes? 

Yeah, I’m never offended by it. I understand other people can be grossed out and feel like their digital space has been invaded, but for me, I’ve never been offended by someone sending them. Even if it’s not the most flattering of pictures, I’m like, Wow, this person is wild. I just find it amusing. 

 

Have you ever felt catfished? 

Oh, yeah. Once. 

 

What happened? 

Actually it was twice. Once, my Grindr glitched and it switched the chats with two different people. Another time it was like… she looked like her pictures, but it was clear that she knew her best angles. I still definitely had sex with her. She went from like a 9 to an 8, and that’s still a form of catfishing.

 

You post a lot of ‘top’ content, so do you primarily identify as a top? 

Yeah, I identify as a total top. I’ve bottomed maybe three successful times in my life. Not to say that I could never bottom, it just hasn’t been right for me and I’ve never been in a relationship with anyone who has inspired me to bottom for them. So, until that happens, I’m definitely a total top. I joke around [online about being a top], because it’s funny. I obviously respect everyone’s labeling and sexual position. Like the whole “top” thing, I don’t really identify as a top, you know what I mean?  

 

Only a top would say that. 

*laughs* A progressive top! 

 

How important do you think sex is in a relationship? 

I think it depends on the people. I think a healthy sex life can be having sex once a week. Or a healthy sex life could be having sex three times a day. It depends on the couple. It’s all about communication and knowing your partner. 

 

Have you ever felt the need to lie to get out of a sexual situation? 

Oh, all the time. I literally wish I could take my dick off when I go out to the club and when someone’s like, “You should come home with me tonight,” I’d be like, “Oh, shit. I don’t got my dick on me right now. I left it at home, maybe some other time.” But yeah, I’ve definitely had to lie, but not with a partner. 

 

Do you think social media makes it harder to be monogamous? 

No. I don’t think so. But I would feel weird about them posting thirsty comments on someone’s hot selfie. A ‘like’ means nothing to me, but if you’re over here [commenting] on someone else’s picture—you’re buggin a little bit. Ultimately for me, that’s just social media and as long as there’s a conversation and everyone can be mature about the situation, I don’t think it should be a problem. 

 

Have you ever had to talk to someone you’re with about how they were acting online?

I’ve never had to had that conversation with other people, but significant others have had to have that conversation with me. I don’t wild out, I just like pictures and [comment], “Cute” or “Wow, go off,” you know what I mean? I think I’m just a naturally flirty person.

 

You’re speaking to this sort of online romantic literacy that goes on, is this something you’ve always been cognizant of? 

It’s definitely a learning process. I used to just say whatever and people were like, “Are you crazy?” And I’m like, shit, that is a thing people care about. I learned to have conversations with people before we were romantic, and keep my comments to a minimum. 

 

This is very prevalent within the queer community. Do you have a theory on why we’re so keen on thirst traps and thirst follows?

I guess it’s just an obsession with how people look. I think social media makes that more available to people. And everyone likes attention, so the more you do it, the more attention you get, the more happy you are. It’s easy, everyone likes attention.

 

Can you describe the best sex of your life?

It was either with someone who I was super in love with or something really wild. Like something you only thought was possible in porn. So it’s a bit of both; I’m not like ‘intimate sex is always the best sex’ or ‘crazy wild sex is the best sex,’ it’s both for me.

 

What turns you on in a partner? 

Sense of humor, someone who doesn’t take themselves seriously all the time, someone who is comfortable with their body where they don’t need to be perfect and pristine every time we have sex. I had a partner who had to be 100 percent sure they were good down there, and they would have to stop [to ask], “Am I good?” I had to be like, “Relax, we’re in a relationship.”

 

Do you have any advice for feeling insecure in the bedroom? 

I have advice for dealing with insecure people; being patient and re-assuring them that it’s fine and that they don’t need to feel that way. I don’t really feel insecure in the bedroom, honestly, but it’s all about making other people feel comfortable.

 

Is there a sexual fantasy that you have achieved? 

Yeah, lots.

 

Can you name a few? 

Having like one bottom and seven hot guys come over, catering to one bottom. I’ve always loved doing one girl with multiple guys. One time my friend was with two girls and he asked me to come over and we swapped and switched—it was just amazing. There are a few really good ones, but those are the ones that stand out. 

 

Do you have any other thoughts on dating in the New York City queer scene? I know you’ve tweeted that you don’t usually go on bad dates. 

I’ve never been on a really bad, awful date. I’ve been on boring dates, but I’ve never had a horror story of someone being terrible and crazy. I’m just like—who are you meeting? How are you meeting these insane people, how do you not see that they’re insane already? 

 

You’ve never walked out on a date?

No. I’ve never been like, Wow, get me out of here. 

 

You’ve had really good luck. Who are you dating?

I know! I’ve lived here my whole life, and I’ve been dating in NYC for at least 10 years. I’ve never had a terrible date. I think dating in NYC is amazing because there are so many people here. I guess I am just really lucky, or I have really good intuition about people.

 

You’re very sex positive and open about your sexuality. Were you always this way?

 A lot of my mom’s best friends when I was growing up were all gay, and very loud about it and they liked to make jokes. I always found sexual humor really funny. And not just saying penis and laughing but being able to talk about your sexual experiences. I just think it’s interesting to talk about.

 

 

Photo by Rembrandt Duran by Heather Hazzan. You can follow Remy on Twitter and Instagram at @remdelarem.