This article is coming from my personal experience with the pill, and may differ from what others have experienced. I am writing this to help girls who might not understand what is going on with their bodies and to bring awareness to the side of birth control many of us do not know about.

In October of 2017, I decided to get on the pill. After years and years of excruciating cramps, taking sick days because I was too nauseous to get out of bed, and having two week-long periods a month, I was starting to become sick of dealing with Mother Nature.

I was definitely skeptical of getting on the pill because of what I had heard about it. Rumors such as, “it’ll make getting pregnant harder”, “you’ll get cervical cancer”, “it makes you gain weight”, and “it breaks you out” stirred through my mind when I talked to my doctor about the possibility. She debunked all of those rumors, and made me feel confident with getting on the pill. I love my doctor, and still do, but I wish she would have warned me about the possible negative effects of the birth control pill.

I started with an off-brand version of Junel. I was taking a low-dose Microgestin (a hormone medication combo that prevents pregnancy) pill daily, which seemed to have been doing fine for my weight and skin. I did not gain a single pound due to the pill and if anything, my skin cleared up.

A month after getting on the pill, I had my first panic attack. When I had this panic attack, I was confused, sad, and worried about myself. I wondered why I had this overwhelming flood of emotion all-the-sudden. I didn’t know why I felt like I was about to cry, or why my stomach was in knots. I thought it was because of the awkward situation I was in at the moment, but I knew my body never reacted that way — no matter what situation I was in. I understood my body, and I knew this was not me. I got up, walked into another room, and made someone hold me until I stopped panicking. On that day, I self-diagnosed myself with anxiety.

The panic attacks continued, and on top of that, my birth control pill was not regulating my periods whatsoever. I was continuing to have two periods a month, along with some breakthrough bleeding. Breakthrough bleeding is when you occasionally spot even while taking the pill. It is not alarming, usually (you should still talk to your doctor!), but it is definitely a pain when it comes out-of-the-blue.

Because of my breakthrough bleeding that went on for a few months, I had to raise my dosage to Microgestin 1.5/30. As soon as I got on the high-dosage pill, my panic attacks increased, my anxiety became a daily struggle, and suddenly I was feeling extremely depressed. I was confused and didn’t know why I was so unhappy when everything in my life seemed so perfect. I had wonderful friends, a new and perfect relationship, a roof over my head, and so on.

Months went on of waking up anxious, not being able to work because I always felt as if I was going to start crying, and laying in bed turned away from the person next to me because I did not have the energy or emotional stability to have a normal conversation. I convinced myself that it was me; that I was worthless and had a long list of reasons to feel this way. I convinced myself that maybe my life did suck, maybe my mental health was just really poor. It wasn’t until I, on my own, decided to look into the pill and its side effects that I realized this might be the issue.

My doctor drew blood and took tests to figure out why I had been feeling so anxious all the time. She also downloaded the “Headspace” app onto my phone (not an ad, just love the app), and told me to start meditating. She was convinced it was my thyroid, but when my results came back normal, we were both left even more confused. She recommended that I see a psychiatrist, and did not even think to ask about my birth control pill.

Holtorf Medical Group did an article about the link between depression, anxiety, and thyroid, stating, “hyperthyroidism – an overactive thyroid – can cause revved up symptoms like high heart rate, high blood pressure, palpitations, anxiety, insomnia, tremors, diarrhea, lack of menstrual periods, loss of appetite, and weight loss.” It might be worth it to research this link and talk to your doctor about your thyroid if you’re concerned about any recent changes with your mental health.

My doctor gave me an ultimatum. She said either I get off the pill, or she puts me on the anti-anxiety medication, Zoloft. I told her I would get off the pill and send her updates. After one week off the pill, I was a brand new person.

My friends, family. and especially my significant other, noticed an enormous difference in my mood, my face, and my well-being. I was immediately happier, and the disturbing thoughts and constant anxiety went away in a what felt like a heartbeat. I truly never thought I would have seen the day that I would be happy.

Of course, I still have the occasional panic attack due to other reasons that have built up throughout the two years I was on the pill, but I have not experienced an extreme panic attack or had feelings of depression since being off. I feel absolutely, completely, brand new. It’s worrisome that my doctor did not suggest this earlier, but it is refreshing to know that I did not give up on myself.

If your pill works for you, stay with it and keep up the good work! But for many of us, oral birth control is the pill from hell. It’s crucial to also do our own research, as well as communicate with our doctors before putting something new into our bodies.

First photo via Lady Clever, and the following by Lucy Welsh and Dina Veloric.